Saturday, July 28, 2007
hilarious sex advice
My friend was browsing through a sex column online and pasted this in MSN for me.
Dear Alvin,
I recently began to date a really cool chick. We have yet to have sex but I’ve fingered her in dark cinemas and in my car a couple of times. Unfortunately, after every “exploration,” my fingers smell damn terrible. I really like this chick but the smell is a great turn off. How can I break the news to her without embarrassing her or running the risk of her dumping me?
-Put Off
Dear Put Off,
Don’t get your knickers into a twist – why, the answer to your problem couldn’t be simpler! After giving your chick the finger(s), you may wish to “accidentally” run those fingers under her nose or if you’re really really sadistic, ask her to do a Kentucky Fried Chicken and lick your fingers. The wonders of manipulated “self”-realisation should never be underestimated in a situation like this.
-Alvin
Labels: funny
Monday, June 11, 2007
ah ah ah~ ah!
This is my favourite part of the movie! The Snow White fighting scene!
I super love this character, so bitchy and pissed off! And she's voiced by the inimitable Amy Poehler!
She's one of the funniest hosts of Saturday Night Live (some American variety prog tt does spoofs and parodies on current issues) and she appeared in the movie "Blades of Glory" as the evil incestous sister!
Ok i know i know i have been neglecting my blogging duties yet again, but don't blame me cos i haven received all the photos!
Labels: funny, random, recommendations, video, youtube
Friday, May 25, 2007
this is furonda
The answer is simple.
Join America's Next Top Model, where women, who're considered ugly by society's standards, are oooh-ed and ahhh-ed at and praised for their bug-eyes, bulbous noses, sausage lips and square jaws.
That's why i love this show! The ugly have hope!
Went to this super cool ANTM website recommended by Alvin. In there's all the photos of all the contestants from all 8 cycles of the show. And when i say photos, i don't mean only those from the photoshoots in the show, but even photoshoots from after the contestants get the boot from the show and land in the real world of modelling.
As i was browsing the more familiar names from the show, Furonda from cycle 6's portfolio really caught my attention.
She's this totally horrible looking reject of an insect that somehow not only made it into the show, but stayed quite long and actually improved tremendously.
She's still ugly, but well, she takes a fierce photo.
I got a little obsessed with her to the point where i was sending Alvin photos of her on msn.
Here's an exerpt of what we were talking about.
My nick had the [nausea] in it because i just came from from a night swim and for some reason felt like vomitting.
Apparently Alvin found the conversation hilarious because he pasted it on his blog straight off the msn chat! After reading it, i got so tickled that i immediately told him that i would too.
I even tried sharing a "Furonda" background with him. He didn't accept it at first, but after much coaxing he finally came around. 
Ok maybe i'm too obsessed with her.
Edit: WATCH THIS CLIP! O.M.G.!
Labels: funny, random, recommendations
Monday, May 14, 2007
general knowledge and hilarious commentary
*If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. *
~ (Hardly seems worth it.)
*If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb. *
~ (Now that's more like it!)
*The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet. *
~ (O.M.G.!)
* A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. *
~ (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
*A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. *
~ (Creepy.)
~ (I'm still not over the pig.)
*Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour *
~ (Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
*The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. *
~ ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
*The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping
the length of a football field. *
~ (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
*The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. *
~ (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
*Some lions mate over 50 times a day. *
~ (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
*Butterflies taste with their feet. *
~ (Something I always wanted to know.)
*The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. *
~ (Hmmmmmm......)
*Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people. *
~ (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
*Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. *
~ (okay, so that would be a good thing)
*A cat's urine glows under a black light. *
~ (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
*An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. *
~ (I know some people like that.)
*Starfish have no brains *
~ (I know some people like that too.)
*Polar bears are left-handed. *
~ (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
*Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. *
~ (What about that pig??)
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
it's real!!! (but i'm skeptical)
Those of you who've watched the latest Jack Neo movie, Just Follow Law, would remember with some amusement the old lady who acted as the mother of Fann Wong's character.
That's the same old lady who was seen collecting empty drink cans and working at Macdonalds in the show just because she was bored with nothing to do.
On the show, she had so much free time that she took up English lessons and learnt how to use the Internet. She surprised those vagrant characters in the show with her good command of English while taking their orders and even showed them her Internet Banking account, under the name of Lao Zhar Bor (i dunno if you guys spotted the name, but i sure did and i got quite a laugh out of it).
The funniest thing of all was when she told them, "Wo hai you blog ne, lao zha bor dot blogspot dot com", and proceeded to type in her blog's URL.
So hilarious right?
You know what's even more hilarious?
Huishan (i watched the show with her) msned me while i was working and screamed in caps, "IT'S REAL!!!"
She then pasted a URL following that outburst.
As i was swamped with calls, i clicked on it but left it while i attended to the calls.
I was practically swamped with enquiries all the way, so i briefly browsed through the site she gave me.
It was laozhabor.blogspot.com.
*faints*
I was squealing with glee that the site actually exists!
At first i thought that someone else set it up after the show, the English was too good to be a lao zha bor's, but then i saw the pictures.
If you watch as much local television and movies as me (read: not much), you'll recognise the other woman as another lao zha bor who frequently cameos in those shows as either grannys or random passerbys.
*double faints*
I have no time to really analyse the blog, but once i get home (i'm still in office [sad face]), i'm so gonna sit down and read everything!
This is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo groundbreakingly funny.
She should join the youth.sg blogging competition since she's so hip!
LOL!
My god i'm still feeling tickled.
edit: according to aldwin it's old news. nvm, still damn funny!
