Sunday, December 31, 2006
the last day of 2006
How am i supposed to look back at the year fondly when all i see is bleak and black?
Monday, December 25, 2006
have yourself a... bah! forget it.
The Christmases for the past few years were usually spent bored at home, either because i had no plans, or my parents forbade me to have any.
I remembered one Christmas i was so bored that i broke the high score for every game that was in my phone. Then, i was using the Nokia 3310, there were only Snake 2 and Space Invader on it, so you can imagine how sad a day it was for me.
This year, Christmas Eve was spent in camp binging on claypot rice brought from home by Joshua. While i was in camp, most people were out enjoying themselves, playing mahjong, walking around town, going to church and then drinking themselves silly.
Since i was in camp, i couldn't resent.
But i thought this year's Christmas day would be different. There was so much Christmas mood brought out in me.
But it's disappointingly not.
I'm meeting the co later, hope things don't get too awkward.
and i guess i won't be meeting you. have yourself a mewy wittle cwistmas.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
of pubs and boxes
Went pubbing at Eski bar last Friday with a gang of (practically) strangers to take my mind off stuff.
I had a greygoose (which was actually orange flavoured vodka with sprite) and baileys.
After that, we were strangers no longer.
Then on Tuesday, i met up with my long lost Changi FDC platoon mates for a session of warbling.
We were 9 guys sharing 2 pathetic mics (of which one was semi-spoilt, or at least was everytime i used it), so naturally some were left out.
While others were plain bored.
Just kidding, everyone went crazy and had tonnes of fun!
And when i say crazy, i meant literally.
Drama and rape are the result of leaving army boys alone with cameras.
Singing was surprisingly great, and i didn't let the fact that i sounded like Ah Mei with a sore throat stop me from tackling all the Stef Suns, Tong Ens, and even Ah Meis!
After that, we went to eat sushi buffet at Suki Sushi.
Blergh.
I went along even though i wasn't hungry and i had a BBQ in less than 5 hours later. It's a sin to eat so much.
I had such a good time with these peeps! Thanks to BK for inviting me, let's do this again soon!
Oh oh! Before i forget, when we got tired of singing, xh and i camwhored with this new camera mode i discovered not long ago, and this was my favourite shot.
I call it the clubbing mode.
p.s. dear readers, won't you be so nice as to leave me a virtual gift this x'mas? scroll down to find out how.
leave me a gift?
| Xmas Stocking | |||||||||
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Sunday, December 17, 2006
a harajuku christmas
It's the time of the year again, where the roads are lit with dazzling lights, breathtaking decorations adorn every tree and songs spreading festive joy being blared out of every speaker in every shopping mall!
Not to be outdone, i've transformed my harajuku banner into a delicious Christmas treat, just for your visual pleasure.
I have to apologise to Firefox users though, because since i'm using IE, i measure the spaces according it, thus Firefox users would see it differently from IE ones.
No matter, it's the season to be giving and forgiving right?
Anyway, i really love the outcome of my photoshopping experiments and would like to know if you like it too! Tag on my tagboard in adoration or in disdain will you?
Muacks, love ya'll.
Here's a sassy Christmas song, just for you.
p.s. it's by Miss-First-Supermodel Janice Dickinson herself, so it's bound to be filled with trashy and campy fun!
Enjoy!
Friday, December 15, 2006
compliment cookies
The reason i mentioned fortune cookies in my previous entry was because Mabs and i bought one each.
only after taking the photo did we realise we were actually dressed quite matchingly...
I was feeling lost and Mabs was feeling curious, so we thought getting a fortune would be interesting to see what we should do next.
Mabs cracked hers first and her fortune read something like "Wait and prosperity will come".
I thought it was quite a common and vague reading and procceded to crack open mine.
After i read mine, i felt so cheated...
I was supposed to get my fortune from the cookie, but what did i get instead?
I GOT A FREAKING COMPLIMENT!
I was feeling so directionless in life right now and instead of giving me focus, the cookie gave me a compliment! I had half a mind to march back to the stall and demand a refund. I didn't want a compliment cookie, i wanted a fortune cookie!
That got me thinking of insult cookies.
Imagine cracking one open to read this.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
this looks...
...interesting...
Anyway, today (actually yesterday because i just got home) was a day of hair, fortune cookies and movies, and i loved every single bit of it! I should have more days like these, where my schedule is damn packed and i don't have time to sit down and think of stuff.
In the ten minutes that i was alone, i succeeded in feeling so lost that i actually got lost! I wanted to go to Lido, but i somehow found myself walking towards Far East.
Somebody ask me out on alternate days please! I'm free on Friday again. Any takers?
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
my car keeps dying
Today i went for my third practical driving lesson.
Old man Ho brought be to Lentor Lane/Loop/Drive/dunnowhat, which was an area of private estates, to practice my turning.
In the end, everytime i tured, he had one hand on the wheel and one foot on his brake. Like that how to learn and improve man!
And he keeps falling asleep periodically. Old people. Tsk tsk. Cannot tahan then don't work so hard la.
And my car died twice, again. The old man's very pek chek at me.
yes, we're friends now, but it doesn't mean i won't get affected by the things you do. i really don't wanna be just friends, but i know it's for the best now.
Monday, December 11, 2006
from "the book of revelation"; a novel
Being Brigitte, it had never occured to her that he might have missed her, that he might have been worried, and he knew her well enough to realise that, if he told her, she would not have understood. She might even have thought less of him for it. She would herself have been astonished.
"Nothing," he said, "It's nothing."
In retrospect, you could resent people who lived so entirely in their own skin that they had no idea of what it was like to be in yours. Not just no idea either, but no interest in trying to find out. The thought simply wouldn't have entered their heads.
This was why he was finding it so difficult to envisage how Brigitte would react to his disappearance. She was so used to being the centre of attraction - how would it be when that situation was reversed? Every time he tried to imagine what she might be doing, all he saw were the ordinary things, some element or other of her everyday routine. She was sprinkling food into the fish tank. She was lying in a hot bath, listening to Bob Dylan tapes (which she loved, and he always teased her about). She was sitting on the floor in the corner of the studio, stretching her legs out sideways, or touching her forehead to her knees. She was behaving normally, in other words. She was behaving as if he was still there. Was there a grain of truth in these images (not that his absence wouldn't affect her, but that she would carry on regardless)? Or did they simply indicate the poverty of his own imagination?
Another memory came to him. It had happened years ago, when they first knew each other. After rehearsal one afternoon he had gone to fetch his car, which he had parked a few streets away. He waited for her outside the studio, the engine running. At last the door opened and she climbed in. her skin smelling of the Chanel soap she always used back then, her hair still wet.
"You're staring at me," she said.
He could not deny it. He was captivated by her beauty, and there was nowhere he would rather look.
Even then, or especially then, perhaps, she had felt his love as a weight, a pressure, and at times it had exhausted her. This is not to say that she didn't love him, only that his love had preceded hers. His love had been instant, irrepressible and overwhelming, while hers had grown slowly, as a complement to his, as a response.
But if that was still true, if she sometimes felt his love weighed on her too heavily, and if that weight was then removed, in its entirety, would she, at some deep level, admit to a feeling of relief?
Or would she feel unanchored suddenly, unstable?
i feel the exact same way.
Friday, December 08, 2006
round and round we go
Today i went for my second practical driving lesson.
Mr Ho drove me to a huge carpark in Yishun, somewhere near Kranji camp, and i practiced my clutch control again. At first, he changed gear for me, but while he was on the phone, i jumped at the opportunity to change it myself.
Finally, he taught me something new.
He told me go practice U-turning. I must have went round the carpark 30 times, but it was quite fun. I tried to go faster but everytime i even touched 1000 rpm, the old man stepped on his brakes, so in the end i gave up and drove very slowly.
My car died 3 times.
First time was when he told me to stop the car and i had to depress the clutch a little, then depress both the brakes and the clutch fully. I started with the clutch but forgot to follow it through with the brakes so the engine just died.
I can't remember what i did wrong for the other two times.
I kept smiling because everyone's been telling me that it'll happen and i finally experienced it.
This has been a very boring entry.
(i'm trying very hard to put things behind me, and not only with the incident, but with everything else. can you at least try to be more sensitive to my feelings and not just say things which might possibly hurt me, whether you meant it as a joke or not? everytime i try to tell you that i'm hurt, you get agitated. sighs. it's gonna be a difficult journey for us both.)
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
i'm tired...
...of constantly giving.
...of constantly arguing.
...of constantly stepping on egg shells.
...of constantly trying.
Maybe it's best we stay friends? All those plans, -poof- and it's gone.
you know i'll come running back to you if you just bothered trying?
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
clutch me if you can
Today i went for my first practical driving lesson.
At first, i was so excited about my virgin experience at the wheel. The thought of sitting at the driver's seat slowly carassing the wheel, grasping it firmly but gently, sent shivers of pure pleasure down my spine.
Yea right.
Sliding into the actual driver's seat, it was a weird perspective indeed. I've been sitting on the passenger side for 20 years, it took me some getting used to, sitting on the other side of the windscreen.
And boy, was i trembling. I was so excited, i nearly fell asleep while at the wheel.
All the teacher allowed me to do today was to practice how to use the clutch. Forward, backward and forward again i went, the car rocked gently like a baby's pram, lulling me to sleep. It didn't help that i did sentry till 3am the previous night.
My teacher is this 50-60ish old man called Victor Ho. At first, on the phone, i kept calling him Victor, but then realised that it sounded too friendly, bordering on rude, so i changed to calling him Mr Ho when we met.
As most old people, he does things slowly and surely, and tends to repeat himself a few times, in case i don't get it. He speaks in Mandarin most of the time, even though i've heard him speak English, and that can be a problem because usually i take about 1-2 seconds to differentiate my left from my right and if he was to give me directions in Mandarin, i'll have to take even longer.
"Juan you! Juan you! Bu shi juan zhuo! Ni shi bu shi ben?"
And yes, even though i was treembling with excitement as i slid into the driver's seat, i was soon trembling with exertion. My left leg's not used to constantly pressing on the clutch. And when i mean constant, i mean every freaking minute!
There was a point when i considered using my right foot to tahan the clutch while my left one took a rest, but i decided i wasn't suicidal.
Did i learn anything from today's lesson? I hope so. I learnt that on a hot day in a mostly deserted private estate, clutching forward and backwards on tortise speed can really send my eyelids crashing down over my eyes.
I also learnt that when the first gear is engaged, you don't have to depress the accelerator for the car to move. Just release the clutch and eureka, it moves! Just don't release it too much at a time because the car would lurch forward.
One more thing. The brake pedal at the driver's seat is so bloody irritating because i could feel him braking for me almost constantly. Hello! Let me learn thank you. I didn't even touch the gear stick!
BAH!
Hope my next lesson would be more fruitful.
Friday, December 01, 2006
dramamama
Life's been a multiple-award-winning weepy-Korean-soap-opera for the last week of November.
That's why some of you might have thought i didn't come back from the cruise and was lost out on sea, unable to get myself to a computer terminal to blog.
But this entry's still not gonna be about the cruise (it may never surface). It's generally not gonna be about anything in particular.
I just want to let those who're in the dark know that something stinky and explosive (not a fart, something worse) happened to yours truly and that was why this place was deathly silent for so long.
And for those who know what happened, i'm fine already. I know it's very stupid of me, but i'm gonna give it one more chance, whether it's one more chance at happiness or one more chance at being hurt, i'll never know until i try.
And if i suddenly come crying to you on the phone one day, please remind me that i already gave it another chance and that i should do the right thing and haul ass away from this.
I'd like to address a few people directly now...
Many many thanks goes out to KW for staying and talking to me while i was alone sitting you-know-where. We'll talk again soon k?
Big big hugs goes out to SC for listening to me rant and rave, meeting me to talk, to study for my Final Theory Test (which was this morning and I PASSED!), trying to be the mediator, generally being so super concerned even though i've known you for less than a week?
Lots of love to SCOTT (you better come find me when u get back from Melb you lucky sob) who made me realise the point. And the point was that there was no point. Thank you for letting me cry, drenching me with your caustic words, making me laugh, making me see everything in colours again. If not for you, i might still be living in black and gray, with salt water from my eyes and vomit in my throat.
And to the people i told in one way or the other, i'd like to thank you for listening, making all the right noises, saying all the right words. I really appreciate it.
Now for the hate...
You're a fucking whore. Leave me alone. I'll never believe what you say again. Disappear from my life please.
=)
I'm trying to let it go, so that's all i'm going to say.
It's the first day of December! Everything resets itself.
